Ho ho ho...

Dear Santa,

You may be wondering why I am writing you in September, months before your "peak" time of year. This year I have many many wishes I would like you and your elf slaves to grant and I thought it only fair to give you plenty of advanced warning.

1. I would like you to make sure Parker gets the best first Christmas ever. He deserves it. He Sleeps almost 12 hours a night.
2. Make sure my grandma gets to have an 80th birthday. That would be cool.
3. I want some boots. good boots. Boots that instantly fix any outfit. I also want them to give off a vapor that makes people forget how often I would wear them so the cool factor is never lessened.
4. Please give me some lightning bolts to throw at those who choose to tailgate me on the freeway. I have a baby and a limited income, I do not want to get in an accident or get a ticket. therefore I drive the speed limit. Don't do it for me. Do it for Parker. His first words probably shouldn't be "get off my ass, douche bag!"
5. On behalf of our dog, Joey, Please send some sort of "anti-wiener dread lock" potion. Despite our best grooming efforts he still gets them. it's sick and awkward.
6. An oil change for the car. (yeah...still haven't done that....)
7. A force field to protect Parker from all toddler related injuries. And a force field for some of our more expensive belongings to protect them from all toddler related injuries.
8. A time machine would be nice. I would go back to my middle school years and tell myself how to do it right. After that I would visit high school me and tell myself not to go through with that perm. And that hair dye job.
9. Move all of my best friends next door. This whole across the state, across the country and across the world thing isn't working for me. I miss them terribly. Make it sound like a really exciting adventure with lucrative opportunities so they do not resent me for making them move to Springfield.
10. New underwear. I could easily fulfill this one, but I thought I would ask.
    
    Be a peach and do your best. I thought that if your crap could pop into stores before Halloween, it wasn't too forward for me to write so early.
    Sincerely,
    Marie.

P.S. To return The favor, here are a few people for your naughty list: Rush Limbaugh, Tyra Banks, Glenn Beck, Local TV weather people, My insurance company, Comcast and my neighbors who park on our lawn and let their dogs use it as a toilet.