Sunday, August 28, 2011

T to the J to the M-A double X: Bitches who play with big silverware get stitches.





Sometimes you go to TJ Maxx looking for a slutty dress and find everything but....



Take, for example, this sack of glitter skulls. Perfect for when just one glitter skull won't cut it. They come in this great mesh sack so they are easier to take home on the bus. The contents of the sack can clearly be seen so no one assumes you bought something frivolous. (like food for your children.)


This could be useful. No one can say they weren't warned. Can't sue me. You should have read the pillow.






These were actually normal sized pieces of silverware. We were just shrunk when a baseball we threw through the window triggered the eccentric neighbor's shrinking machine. (I don't care if that wasn't funny. I have always wanted to make an obscure "Honey I Shrunk The Kids" reference. )





Things turned dangerous real quick. I was lacerated by the silverware. They really should have posted some sort of warning that fighting with items in the middle of the store could lead to injury. I was given a band aid before I could spread any blood borne pathogens about the store. I was NOT given, however, any free items or discounts to compensate me for my injury.




What is this? My assumption is that it is a candle holder....of a hand assuming the conventional position for giving manual pleasure to a male. I know, I know...how could I post such filth? Easily. If you have learned anything about me by now, it is that I AM FILTHY. My grandma doesn't have the Internet, so it's O.K..

So of course I had to ask myself "Is this $8 funny?"
The answer was yes. And now I have a banana holder that I affectionately refer to as "Handy Jay". Get it? He's handy because he he holds bananas and his name is Jay. Duh.





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