I don't like that tuesday....

this week...

Water.

Maybe not water itself, but gross things in water that I may accidently touch or ingest. blech...

swimming in natural bodies of water. What the hell is touching my foot? Why is the water brown?

touching the bottom of a swimming pool. I am gagging just thinking about it. And I just peed my pants from a bad case of the "willies". This has not bothered me in the past and has progressively become a stronger and stronger "gross out" for me. it's a shame because I love swimming. I just need my own swimming pool so I don't have to worry about touching someone's old band-aid with my toe. 

Unknowingly having debris in a drinking glass. mmmm...ice water is one of my favorite things of all time. One little speck of anything not ice or water and the pleasure quickly fades. I check every time I take a new glass out. I check when I take a drink from an existing glass. I even discretely check when someone else brings me a glass. Should there be anything, time for a new glass. This has made me go thirsty at many a friends house and restaurant. 

"I don't like that" tuesday! (with a special guest!)

Just to really throw everyone into a tailspin, I am going to start this week's "IDLTT" with something I DO like. I guess it's not something, it's someone... her name is Shauna Rogers. many of you know her and read all of the luscious mind nuggets she sprinkles on her blog. She was eager to contribute to IDLTT about something I agree with her whole-heartedly about:

Unicycles and the people who ride them.

I don't even know how I excluded them from the group I ranted about last week that included magicians, ventriloquists and jugglers. I am not a malicious or violent person, but i see a unicyclist and I instantly wish for an earthquake or a very strong gust of wind. 

Shauna has been especially scarred by on of these one-wheeled douchebags and, as part of her therapy, she has composed an open letter to the person that has caused her trauma:

Dear University of Oregon Unicyclist,

You are not a hot shot. You think you are. It has been 5 years since our encounter and I still hate you. I still hate the thought of you, all high and mighty on your stupid unicycle. With your dumb helmet and incredibly bulky and unsexy elbow and knee pads, that were all scratched up. (Proof that you are not such a hot-shot... you fall! I see your scratches!!)

You are the reason I absolutely hate unicyclists and kind of always want to throw sticks in their spokes. It all comes down to you. Do you remember why? Do you remember what you did to me 5 years ago, on the University of Oregon campus, in April, while I was walking to class? Do you? Let me refresh your unicycling-fog of a memory.

I was walking to class. It was by the Knight Library. I was on the right side of the path, minding my own business. Someone else was walking towards me, but they were on the correct side of the path as well. We were going to walk by each other just fine, not even a brush of the fingertips. We were a perfect distance apart, walking at a perfect pace. We were both amazingly attractive and smart looking. 

And then I felt goosebumps on my neck. Something was going to happen. And in 0.45 seconds, it did. There was a nasty hand on my shoulder, in a fingerless leather glove. Make that pleather glove. I am sure it wasn't real leather. YOU, unicyclist, tried to ride your damn unicycle AKA dork mobile in between me and my innocent fellow walker. You braced yourself so you wouldn't fall, and so you could make the tight squeeze between us, on my SHOULDER. You touched me. And you didn't say sorry. And like the dork-tard you are, you rode off, leaving me and said-walker confused, shaking and vulnerable. You touched both of us. And you didn't fall. I wish you did.

Guess what is worse? You were in my class. You RODE your unicycle into the classroom and then took off your helmet and shook your head like you were on a Pantene Pro-V commercial. Your dandruff sprayed the people sitting a row in front of you. You parked your unicycle on the railing of the ramp of the classroom and I glared at you the entire class. For the rest of the term.

I still know your face. If I see you again, you will know it. I will know it. The world will know it.

It's because of your hot-shot maneuvers that I hate everything attached to the unicycle. You could be the hottest person in the world, but the moment you get on a unicycle, to me, it'll be like you are missing 1/2 your face and your reproductive organs. I am not interested.

I'm going to get you!

Shauna

She is so brave and eloquent.

Once upon a time...

I found a rock on the beach that looked like lady parts.

THE END

"I don't like that" tuesday

Well, apparently I have not had much to post in between Tuesdays. I do, however, have a topic that I am very passionate about. I feel that this subject is much like cilantro or avacados, people either LOVE them and can't get enough or HATE them and are reduced to red faced anger monsters whenever confronted with them. I am talking, of course about.....

Magicians.

Many of my good friends know of my disdain for this genre of entertainment. Many of my good friends love magicians. I am sorry, Shauna, I won't clap for them. I am not impressed by "slight of hand".

Top hat? cape? Fine. I can handle that. it's almost classy. Bright colored vest, parachute pants and wild hair? kill me now.

I am having a hard time writing this because I have so much hate in me about it I cannot pinpoint the exact words to describe it best. I am repulsed by the exaggerated finger and leg movements they use to be "showy". I always feel like they are trying to lure their audience into a windowless van so they can show them their "magic rabbit".


"What about street magicians, Marie? They are kinda hip and cool and rock and roll, right?"

No. Even worse. David Blaine can suck it. I don't care how intense your stare is. I hate your profession.






I also lump jugglers and ventriloquists into this disdainful group of people. Really, if you feel you need to wear a vest or wacky tie during your performance I probably hate you.

I am not even going to apologize for offending anyone during this edition of "IDLTT". I am fed up.








P.S. anyone interested in being a guest writer for "IDLTT"? Send me your dislikes (mbarcellos1@gmail.com) and, if I agree with them, your opinion can be part of this ever popular feature. and by popular I mean my mom may read it every once in a while.

"I don't like that" tuesday!

          

Dear people who wear cartoon character clothing,

I hate you. I am sorry. I do. Please know that I don't need the tazmanian devil across your chest telling me to "back off".  I am probably well aware already of my lack of desire to be near you.  I also don't need eyore, winnie the pooh, tigger, minnie or mickey saying something "witty" to me as I pass you in the grocery store, because more often than not it only makes me want to ram my cart into you. I know you mean well and it may be the last resort at being "cute" . I find it only fair to inform you that it's not working. I could ignore it. but I don't think they make any of that clothing in any size less than xxxl so it would take tremendous effort to miss. Next time you see a sale on a tweety t-shirt that says "100% cutie" at walmart, put it down. please. thank you.

-marie.

p.s.

I am really really sorry if this offends you. You can let me know your feelings in a message tee from hot topic. then any guilt I feel will quickly melt away.

see. even sandra bullock automatically weighs 300 pounds when she puts on a tweety shirt. 100% blonde my ass. shame on you sandra. shame on you.

introducing....I don't like that tuesday

some of you may be familiar with "gimme that Thursday" on my awesomely great friend's blog. Shauna will pick some things each week that she covets and write glowing reports of adoration about them.  We were discussing this when I was there last week and I thought, just to balance out the world, someone should pick a day and devote that to reporting on things they do not like or want (all in good fun, of course). I guess that someone will be me. 

So...I hearby declare this day to be "I don't like that tuesday"! as will all tuesdays from this day forth as long as I have nothing better to do on a tuesday...

for the first installment I choose...

                                                    Glade commercials

Give me a F!@#ing break.  Being unemployed for the time being, my t.v. consumption is a little higher in the recent days (I am not going to pretend that I am too wholesome  to have the t.v. on in the background for much of my day.) and I tense up with annoyance every time a glade commercial comes on. Their spokeswoman is always trying to trick people into believing that her glade smells are the real thing. And then, at the end, after all her pals are shocked and in disbelief, she says "and yes, it's glade" while she stares at the camera without blinking. Just shut up. no one cares.

sorry I've been away...

So, needless to say, I haven't "blogged" in a while. Blogging probably isn't even cool anymore. I blame my endless struggle with procrastination for my lack of, well, doing pretty much everything. Just so everyone doesn't take it personal (all six people who follow this) here are a few things I have not done that need to be done that an otherwise normal person would have:

• change the oil in my car. a year overdue? no. that would be too responsible of me. try two.
• hang up my clothes. I am thinking about this and I realize I probably haven't touched a hanger since Parker was born. Josh has, thank goodness.
• clean out the car. it no longer has carpeting it has a junk mail coating at the bottom of it. Joey likes to eat receipts so at least there is less of those hanging around in there.
• Call some friends back. now this is not funny to those of you who have called with wonderful intentions only to never hear back from me. please know that I want to talk to you, however, I am usually doing a lot at one time and I feel guilty calling people and not really even listening fully. I blame Parker fully for this one. so don't get mad at me, please. get mad at him. (how could you guys be so cold getting mad at a little baby?!?)
• Put things on my walls. we have lived here since September and the living room has nothing up on the walls. the kitchen does but pretty much everywhere else is bare. I have a fear of committing to picture placement. if it can't be done perfectly I am not going to do it at all. actually...apply that theory to the next few things too.
• organize my workspace at home.
• clean my desk and cupboards at work.
• Start Parker's baby album. This one makes me want to cry a little because he is growing SO fast. I want it to be perfect and beautiful. so of course I have a fear of disappointing myself so I just haven't started. which disappoints me. go figure.
• many many more things that I have put of to be done at a later, undetermined time... but I tell you guys about those later. maybe.

I have not put off enjoying being a mom, though. I am trying to enjoy every second of parker's babyhood because I know it won't be here for long. Just his little smile makes me tear up with happiness and I don't want to miss anymore time with him than I absolutely have to. he is the best baby anyone could ask for and so much more...